When one lives life inside one’s head, caught up in our thoughts, our inner world and merging past and present as a consequence, one’s world view becomes very narrow and closed. Today becomes a replay of the past, maybe with variations, but for the most part the same. People who struggle with self-destructive urges and patterns are often in such pain and anguish, have such little faith, their emotions color and distort the truth about their power, their potential and abilities. If you are someone who is struggling, own your life, reclaim it, build it, join others moving in the same direction. This is about owning the psychological position, taking a survivor position in one’s own life.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. Victor Frankl
People who engage in self injury and self destructive coping often experience the world as though it is random, when in fact, much of it is not. But, to take that psychological survivor position, one needs to be willing to be present, own your part in your life, and pay attention to data-based patterns more often than not.
What is a psychological survivor position? (taken from Daily Journaling for Self-Injury Recovery:
A Therapists’ Guide for Clients, Juzwin, AuthorHouse Publishing)
This is the attitude or POSITION that is an active psychological role you take as you go through every moment of every day. It involves how you think about and react to your world.
• A mindful psychological position one takes in their life
• It involves HOW you approach your life, how you think about your life
• That means are you:
• Reactive, emotional and avoidant?
• Sensitive, passive, accepting responsibility for things that aren’t yours?
• Always expecting others to punish or hurt you?
• Someone who uses self-injury to avoid the pain that you think is coming?
• In this framework one take a psychological position or role to interact with their life as a psychological Victim or Survivor. This is a MINDFUL choice you CAN make.
• Victim: Reactive, passive, sees only a limited range of options, gives authority away, makes decisions based on “wants”, doesn’t tolerate feelings
• Survivor: Active, proactive, generates range of options, owns authority for self, makes decisions based on “needs” and “goals,” tolerates feelings, uses THINKING and self-management of reactions
• You can choose how you react. It involves thinking your way through your world, being open to new information.
• Taking a psychological SURVIVOR POSITION means:
• Thinking about what is happening around you.
• Recognizing patterns around you.
• Tolerating feelings, they tell you something is important; AND then using your thinking and keeping your eye on your goal.
• Accepting responsibility for your actions, choices and decisions.
• KNOWING WHERE YOU ARE GOING AND WHAT YOU WANT
• Making goal and value based decisions, and having your behavior match (congruency).
• Actively making decisions that are in your own best interest and help you make it to your daily goal.
• Learning from your experiences, being a student of yourself and the world around you.
• Being mindful, aware and connected in your present.
• Taking an active role in your life.
We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change. Henry Cloud
Patterns are difficult to break. This is especially true when emotions and our perceived value and self-esteem are some how connected.
There is an objective reality out there, but we view it through the spectacles of our beliefs, attitudes, and values. David G. Myers
Very often the urges and reactions to the internal emotional intensity keep us from actively choosing to be grounded, connected and present. If you are reading this because you want to be in active creation of your life or involved in the recovery-process, then you are faced with a challenge or choice point that involves you being willing to own your choices, your opinions, your actions, and in the management style you use.
Your choice, your life, your course, your mind, your body, your soul, your experience…………..
The past is a reference point; the present, a decision point; and the future, your destination point. Benjamin Disraeli said, The secret of success is constancy of purpose. What is it your eye is focused upon? What is the purpose YOU (YOU) are creating today? How are you doing it?
What are you willing to own as yours? Without judgment, without criticism, without punishment, what is yours?
Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives.
To reach a port, we must sail—Sail, not tie at anchor—Sail, not drift.
It is not enough to take steps which may some day lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
So my friends, here is the challenge for Wednesday, own your life, own your present, own your choices, own the consequences of your choices. Consider what you are trying to move towards, is what you are engaged in actually in line with what you are trying to accomplish? Do you live by your values? Can you articulate what values you stand upon in your life? What are they? How does your behavior demonstrate these core values?
So a recap of the challenge:
1. Own your present, own your choices, own the consequences of your choices.
2. Identify what you are trying to create or move towards.
3. Identify at least a couple of VALUES that you want to stand upon as your foundation, and identify how your behavior demonstrates these.
Stand for a moment and be present, think your way through your life. Manage your feelings, use them as data, AND never take your eye off what you are trying to CREATE for yourself. Create a moment that is in line with your desired outcome.
Create your luck, create peace. Live with dignity, respect, honor and integrity for more than just one minute tomorrow. It is yours if you are willing to own your right to be human. Create peace, kammie
PS – Please help us reach the 5000 followers goal by March 1, 2013. No one need struggle or be in pain alone. Let’s become advocates for each other, and for those who can not or are not able yet, to speak for themselves. If you are someone who engages in self-destructive behaviors, loves or cares about someone who does, or is a provider, is in recovery, has created a new life, PLEASE PLEASE join us. No one need struggle or be in pain alone. You are more powerful than you know. Today there are 71 followers, please help us reach at least 5000. You are more powerful than you know. We are more powerful than we know. Thanks!